W A L L S . . . ( To Be Build or Not )

There’s a reason why my walls are built so high, and there’s a reason it will take you longer than expected to bring them down. There’s a reason why I’m guarded.

I’m guarded because I’ve been hurt before. We all have. My weakness is that I carry the pain with me as a constant reminder that it could happen again. And while this is such a cautious way to walk through life, while instead I could be wildly sprinting, the wild sprint has made me fall and trip before, and the scrapes and burns were painful. So painful that it takes a while to try and run that fast again. So I walk, and I walk carefully noticing my surroundings because I worry if I were to ever fall that hard again, I might not be able to get back up.

I’m guarded because I’m scared of what you’ll think, but not scared enough to admit it. I fear your disapproval like a little girl fears the monster under her bed, and right now I will just keep quiet to avoid any disturbance.

I’m guarded because no one has ever protected me as well as I protect myself. My own armor has been stronger than yours, or his, or hers, and it will continue to be until someone shows me otherwise.

I’m guarded because I’m no stranger to failure, and while it has made me stronger, it has also made me more aware of all that can go wrong.

I’m guarded because I’ve mistakenly invested my trust in those who took it for granted, and because of their disregard, I no longer hand that trust out so easily.

I’m guarded because I see the damage coming before it even happens, and I know that the lucky ones will tell me how unreasonable, pessimistic, and sad this all sounds, but even when you try to tell yourself that this time is different, the reminder seeps back in.

Life will bring hurt and pain, and people will disappoint you, but no one has the ability to break down your walls except for you. I’m guarded because I’ve chosen to be that way..... 

But the reality is - 

" The walls we build around us to keep SADNESS out also

keeps out the JOY .... "

#Live.. #Love.. #Prosper ... ✌

~ Abhishek Bose ..

I'll ...

If you’re choosing to be in my life and you give me your best, I’ll reciprocate that.

I’ll always do more than expected.

I always say thank you and show appreciation.

I’ll always defend you.

Even behind your back.

If you choose me I will always choose you.

And I don’t care about what people may think or say.

Their opinions I’ve never let influence my own.

To me loyalty is everything.

And you’ll always have mine.

If I see something in you, that’s it.

That’s enough for me.

But the second you make me question my own worth, that’s when I stop trying.

The second you start fumbling through excuses I don’t want to believe at first, I begin to look at you differently.

The moment you stop answering or showing you don’t care I will too.

The second things become expected and not appreciated, I pause.

The moment you take my love for granted or make it feel like some burden to you, I’ll walk away.

Because I should never have to fight to be in your life.

I shouldn’t have to compete.

When I make you a priority don’t make me feel like some choice you get to make.

When I go out of my way and you can’t even meet me halfway there, I’ll turn around.

I hate giving up on people.

But more than that I hate not feeling good enough.

Like my efforts should be more.

Like there is some flaw holding me back from earning and deserving your love.

Like my best doesn’t match up to you and what you want or need

If you want to be in my life fine.

I’ll always fight for you but I’ll never fight for you to stay.

And if it comes to that, I’ll hold open the door with a smile and let you go without a word.

Even if I don’t understand or it’s breaking my heart to see you go.

But I’ll say goodbye and not dwell on it.

" Because the truth is — they always come back... "

#Live.. #Love.. #Prosper ..✌

~Abhishek Bose..